MakingHappy

Scary Clown

I wanted to post something for Halloween but couldn't find anything so here's something frightening in its own right.

My Saturday visit to The Hometown was pretty crazy and I'm still a bit too lazy to go into all the details. I'll wait for the photos and write in bits and pieces. One thing I will say is that I rented a bike, something I will never do again. The bike was too small for me and hurt like hell to ride. Plus I looked ridiculous hunched over the handle bars with my knees coming up just under my chin. It was pure hell. I was almost in tears on the way back to return it. I seriously contemplated tossing into into a dumpster. In addition, drivers in St. Catharines do not understand the concept of sharing the road with a bike. I was nearly side-swiped by a car turning right and a guy on a motorcycle came straight at me without flinching. I spent the rest of the time navigating the sidewalks. Needless to say the experience stirred up a lot of anger, humiliation, and contempt for the city in general, emotions I didn't want to be dealing with at the time because they got in the way of other more productive emotions I might have had instead. There was a lot of yelling at drivers and women with tight perms who sure as hell know how to navigate a fastfood lineup. They will knock you down! Thank god for the tunnel underneath the highway. I stopped there twice to scream my guts out and release some tension.

I remember taking photos but am very uncertain about what I managed to get on film. I had to hussle like crazy (on what was essentially a big kid's mountain bike) in order to get to at least a few of the locations I had planned. As a result I really sped through the motions of a process I tend to take some time and care over. I feel disappointed but hopeful. I am often surprised by what gets through when I think I'm way off so I'll just have to wait and see. And even though the anger felt useless and annoying, it may have been what I needed at the time.

Soft & Hard

Finally after several consecutive bad weekends, I'm going on my planned photo-taking trip to The Hometown. Last year I made a big stink about how I was DONE FOREVER and I'd never go back there again ever ever, but I realized a few months ago that I was really only just getting started. Should be interesting.

Current Song Addiction: "Vamos" (I think I need the aggression.)

Willet Luncheonette

I find this sort of city scene very beautiful, even on a grey day such as this. I'm wondering if endless hours of Sesame Street consumed has played a hand in influencing my appreciation for this aesthetic.

Growing up, I didn't have the Fisher Price Little People Sesame Street playset but I REALLY wanted it. I still do.

Happiness

I took this photo on a warm and sunny day while walking through the Lower East Side. Just before I turned around and took this I thought about how fortunate I am to be able to see other places. This is why I don't believe in destiny and fate. Because to me both suggest a negative viewpoint that says that a person can't move outside what is set out for them. And if I had to predict what should have been predetermined for me according to that kind of thinking, it would be something very different than this. And I don't think that something would have been much. I don't like words like fate, destiny or luck. I believe in hope, choice, work, and conscious living. To me these suggest that anything is possible and I don't mean in a money as success way but in an inner mind way. And among all of that I also know that it is important to be grateful. Because even though it's really fucking hard, when I can see clearly, I am sometimes even grateful for the struggle.

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Really lovely melody on Alameda.

Hot Dogs 'N' Burgers

There's another flag.

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I switched to the Pixies "Where is My Mind" for a few days but am back to the Elliott Smith. Songs I hated on my first few spin-throughs have become my favourites. And the previously irritating cracking in his voice on the live stuff now sounds lovely and sincere. I actually prefer the live versions over the more produced album versions. Go figure. I was like that with Nina Simone the first time I heard her music so I guess it just takes time to sink in for me. But when it does I play it until I can't stand it. My brother procurred a vinyl copy of "Nina Sings the Blues" for me many Xmases ago and I proceeded to listen to it every single day for over a year. I finally had to get a cd copy for fear of destroying the grooves on an old album. Apparently I have the music listening habits of an obsessed teenager.

My current favourites are:

• Happiness
• Easy Way Out
• No Name No 1
• I Didn't Understand
• King's Crossing
• Strung Out Again
• Say Yes

Sun on Stools (through a window)

This one was shot in Toronto back when we had sun. Two consecutive sets of weekend plans have been thwarted by foul weather. I've lived here my entire life. When will I ever adjust?

I just want to make the pictures damnit. My mood is becoming as foul as the weather.

I walk by the location in the above photograph nearly twice weekly (although I rarely approach it from this direction. If you're ever bored just cross the street or change directions). While prepping the image for upload, I had a sudden flashback to my days sitting on stools just like those in the old Lincoln Mall Tim Horton's. The seats were a mustard yellow. The "hostesses" wore matching outfits. I clocked countless childhood hours on those stools or stools like them in donut shops all over St. Catharines (of which there were many) drinking hot chocolate, picking away at my donut of the moment and watching the crazy adults fumble their way through social interaction. In my mind's eye I can still see Rob alternating between a Player's Light and a double-double while attempting to chat up one of the big-haired chicks behind the counter.

That's the kind of picture I really wish I could capture. Unfortunately there are no cameras that can capture memories straight out of head.

Coney Island's Favorite

World Toy Camera Day is Saturday! Sadly, the forecast calls for cloudy, windy and rainy. Someone needs to start scheduling these World [whatever] Camera days in the summer damn it.

Get Your Drink on

I saw several flags around Coney Island. You can see one in this photo and I have a few more that show fraying flags. It was very, very grey when I took this photo. I only seem to make it to Brooklyn on miserable days.

Examining

I'm sick with a cold or something. I spent most of yesterday in bed resting. At one point the light coming into the room shifted and I went and got my camera as quickly as I could hussle my sick body to take these pictures.

I watched "American Beauty" and later "Born Into Brothels". A lot of thinking about life, change, and picture-taking with a fuzzy head.

I had been planning to do some intensive gardening this week (to make up for all the neglect) before my next round of work madness takes hold, but it's obvious that I need to nurture myself first.

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Some photos from last summer found while cleaning up my desk.

2a

I have more pictures of this place taken with other cameras, somewhere on this site but I couldn't find them. I love this place. This is in Toronto.

Untitled (Pink Roses)

Dirty Window (with Pagoda)

Something I need to remember for the future is to NOT scan 12 rolls of film in one sitting. I'm completely overwhelmed and can't make any decisions about photos at this time. Hence the simple image of a window in Chinatown. I almost posted a really simple image of a curtain made of blue roses fabric but thought, "I didn't go all the way to New York to bring back another photo of blue rose curtains".

I have begun posting some of the out-takes and overflow to my Flickr account.

Liquor (Blue with Green Glow)

I really loved this liquor store and stopped to take a bunch of photos of it. That green glow radiating from inside should show more on the remaining images that are still on a roll in the camera. I started out focussing on the window and then stepped back for the whole scene. I'm doing that a lot lately. I haven't yet decided on its effectiveness. Sometimes it works, sometimes I miss the intimacy of getting close. I was standing way the hell back in the street for the second shot which is something I'm trying to do more but there is a loss of control that can create problems. People end up in places I don't want them (right side of frame), cars zoom into the shot or just get in the way, and I have to have eyes in the back of my head while concentrating on what I'm doing to ensure I don't get hit or hold up traffic.

I complained and complained about the grey, dull, flat, non-light on the days we were out taking pictures in New York (never mind the torrential downpour), and while I can't shake the feeling that I was cheated out of potentially great pictures, I can see the value in this kind of flat light. I probably wouldn't have noticed that green glow at all if the sun had been out. My expectations got in the way too much, but you can't control the weather.

There was a vibrant street culture happening just up the street from here but I was too chicken to ask to take pictures. I feel both emboldened and held back when carrying this camera. I worry that it gives the wrong impression. I really love using it but it has its own mythology and weight about it in the way that the cheap cameras never did for me. It's been a psychological adjustment. Getting to know the differences with the tool has been an adjustment too, but of a different sort. I'm definitely learning things via this camera that are taking me by surprise. It's good.

Yuppy Scum

Me: Look at us. You have a cellphone, I have a cellphone. I walk all blah-blah-blah on mine with a fucking headset like some kind of headset-wearing, cellphone-talking, asshole.

Him: Techincally mine has a headset too.

Me: We're disgusting.

Him: I hate us.

I do love the stupid headset though. Makes me feel like I'm in an infommercial. Operaters are standing by right now to take your order!

Not Seagull (but it still is to me)

I am compelled to take a photo of this scene just about everytime I visit this place. I like to dangle my legs over the edge of the pond and watch the little fishes scurry.

We STILL don't have our luggage. Flippin' Air Canada just keeps screwing up. I've been brushing my teeth with my finger for 3 days now.

Japanese Knotweed | Beach

You can't see them in such a tiny image, but the Japanese Knotweed (left) was covered in bees and monarch butterflies. They loved the flowers. Unfortunately, the plant is a very hardy, invasive species. I found this patch on Ward's Island.

The good news is you can eat the tender stems of the plant as they emerge in the spring. They taste like rhubarb.

Home Again | Little India

We're back. I stuck with film this time so it will be a while before photos make an appearance. We experienced gorgeous summer heat and sun the first few days in New York but sadly the weather turned to dark skies, heavy rains and wind just in time for my time off. I'm just thankful it didn't pour yesterday. You should have seen the system we had to invent to take pictures during the crazy rains. We both got soaked but our cameras were protected.

Davin took lots of digital photos of the gardening event but Air Canada lost our luggage; the very important luggage that contains a lot of very important shit including the cable that hooks the digital camera up to the computer and the one that provides power to the powerbook with the busted batteries (the first round of photos were saved onto it).

In the meantime I have posted some pictures with the crappiest cameraphone there ever was to my Flickr account.

Post Party Tables

I took this picture with film that was -- let's just say -- very, very old and most of the pictures turned out fine. Film is magic.

And speaking of film I'm practically salivating about all the film I'm going to buy next week. I've been very low for a while and can't wait to go to B&H and pig out. Weeeee.

Okay I'm off for a week or so.