MakingHappy

Gran Piedre

The view from the top of this mountain was incredible. We could see the shadows the clouds left on the hills. We were actually on top of a very large rock, perched on top of a mountain. It's kind of incredible that I was able to stay up there relatively unphased considering my fear of heights. I will state for the record that my fear is mostly based in real danger. My level of fear tends to be equivalent to the level of danger involved. Although I can experience vertigo just approaching the edge of a rail-less roof.

Really the only part that concerned me about Gran Piedre was the last assent up a ladder to the top because I had learned by then that some things in Cuba aren't exactly kept in top form. Some things were downright crumbling. I got a feeling a great many people had been up and down those stairs. There was a message at the bottom stating, "Use at your own risk." So you know, if the stairs somehow came unattached, chances were good that you'd just fall and die. The end.

But we did not fall or die and the view was pretty great.

Antonio Maceo Airport (Santiago de Cuba)

Last photo taken in Cuba while walking across the tarmac to the stairs. I wanted to take this shot on the way in but was put off by the myriad of security officers standing around. I'm not sure why I thought it would be safer on departure.

Muddy Tracks (Magic Light)

Hamilton

Sutro Baths

Loving it here but missing the cat.

Football

We've been having a wonderful time here in Portland. Yesterday was unexpectedly sunny. It's not warm but heaven in comparison to what we left behind. I am feeling reinvigorated by the lush greenery, earthy smells, and splashes of colour. We counted at least 6 new birds seen including what looked like a hawk soaring over The Chinese Garden for several hours.

India Basin

We're off to Portland until next week. Even though I've been before I'd love to hear your suggestions. We've decided we're going to soak up as much greenery as we can before returning home to this winter wonderland.

Picture posting should resume as normal.

Song: "Alameda" Elliott Smith

Boardwalk (in fall)

Thank you kindly for nominating me in the 2007 Photobloggies awards.

---------------------------------------

I have photographed this boardwalk a few times. Here it is in winter. I never seem interested in the summer. I've been wanting to go out and take pictures lately but am too cold to do so. We were out the other day but I had a screwed up roll in the camera. I don't think any images were recorded onto film which is a huge bummer because 1. I was freezing my ass off for those non-pictures and 2. The subject was great and I will have to go by there again with small chance of finding things as they were at that time. Gah! If only there was a way to enjoy the winter landscape without suffering the actual weather.

---------------------------------------

Spacing Winter/Spring 2007 Issue launch party at the Gladstone tomorrow night.

Monterey

This is a view of the ocean in Monterey. The texture in the middleground is a massive kelp bed. I wish we had had more than an hour to spend there. I love the ocean. And I don't seem to love any part more than the next. No coastline I have visited has ever disappointed. Every one was exactly as much as I needed at that moment.

I wish I could go back in time and take pictures of those uncaptured ocean visits: the first time I smelled salt water in the air while running toward the Boston harbour. The first time I stepped onto ocean sand. I didn't even realize that it wasn't a beach until the shifting tide started to swallow up the land. There was a pink starfish stranded in a little puddle of water and zillions of barnacles covering a wall we had decended down from. That's the one failing of photography -- the memories that have passed that have been captured by my eyes only. I have a language of words but I can't seem to put them together in a way that expresses exactly what I want to say. But sometimes I can put a picture together and it comes out right.

Roll-Down

Roll-down security doors like this one are a rare sight here in Canada.

My first encounter with such an intense need for security was on a childhood bible club trip to the Buffalo Christian Center in the early 80s. It was the first trip I can remember to a city larger than the one I grew up in... and American no-less. I distinctly remember staring out the window taking in this new landscape of barred windows, barricaded storefronts, painted walls, and dangerous characters. Our bus sailed alongside a groovy dude strutting down the street wearing a gigantic pink afro and massive sunglasses. Forget Christian Skate, Pilgrim's Progress miniputt, and vending machines filled with exotic American sweets. I would have been contented for hours perched in front of this moving TV screen with a pack of Boston Baked Beans and a can of Tahiti Treat.

Point Lobos (Pelicans)

Song: "I am a Rock" Simon and Garfunkel. Didn't see that one coming, did ya? Me neither.

Coney Island

The birthday contest is on until Monday.

Total number of pictures taken in New York since arrival with a camera that is not my cellphone = 0 Can you believe it? A lot of the first day was taken up with acquiring food and film. And boy did I get film! I am currently high on film. It's so cheap here! Half the price!

A picture I didn't take: Walking east on 24th street between 6th and 5th (I think). Slush/snow/rain coming down. The wet streets are shiny and illuminated by street lights. A man stands in the middle of the road holding the leash of an identical Brittany dog on either side of him. Both dogs are squatting in the same pose and begin to urinate at the same moment.

Fries and Dogs (with flags)

Spooky-ish

The one I should be posting today. Happy Halloween!

Mennonite Graveyard III

Damn. I should have saved this one for Halloween.

Seatless Ferris Wheel (b&w)

I decided to post this picture today because it reminds me of Fall Fairs. We are celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. We are non-traditional people who generally ignore most holidays but we like Thanksgiving as a time to celebrate the harvest... and eat good food. The hard question right now is pumpkin pie, or apple/pear pie? I've developed a trick to the apple/pear pie wherein I make a small batch of apple sauce first, and then I add that on top of the apple and pear slices before putting the top on the pie. It's a good trick.

Swings

Well, after lots of stress and a couple of I-hate-this-fucking-thing-this-will-never-work-why-why-why freakouts, I have finally figured out a technique that works for the images I'll be hanging in this week's show. I'm not yet sure if it's been worth the headache, bad smells (acrylic spray and the like), and tardiness (I hate being late). It remains to be seen if I should have just plopped them into frames and called it a day.

-----------------

Midnight Snack Sept 30 at The Beaver (1192 Queen West. Toronto). A part of Nuit Blanche.

Lock 3 Observation Deck (with Gull)

This one is a bit heavy and I feel like I need to pre-warn.

-----------

It's nighttime and we're the only people at the observation deck. He's got me under the arms and is lifting me over the safety fence while I scream, and kick, and beg to be released. I don't want to go over the edge. He thinks it will be fun. He is really still just a kid himself but it's no excuse for the immaturity or the way he relishes in the pleasure of my terror and powerlessness.

Those who continue to insist that he loved us need to reach deep into their gut and rethink that definition.

He worked as the Lock Master at this lock for a time. Chatting up the tourists, and goofing off on the mic made him feel special, charming, and important. He often bragged about it, angry (and at times even bewildered) because we didn't admire him like strangers.

Tyrannical Father. World's Greatest Uncle.

As I stood in this spot taking this and a few other pictures, I wonder if he ever flashed to nights like that one while performing for his audience. I wonder if he ever dug into his own gut to pull up all the cruelties big and small that he perpetrated against us. I don't think so. I truly believe that people always know no matter how hard they try to cover up and pretend. But I think he was a very split and broken person.

Some days I feel some compassion knowing he was also a little child once. Maybe someone dangled his tiny, powerless body over a deep, dark chasm destroying his sense of safety in the world. Infecting him with that poison that made him what he was. We make children into the adults they become.

And on other days he fucking deserved what he got.

Untitled (Ferris Wheel)

PSA for the possible one other site visitor from Parkdale besides my spouse: Don't forget to vote today!

--------------

Prints

Ocean

God, how I miss the ocean. It has been a life-long dream to live on or near the ocean but I can't decide where that should be. Lake Ontario just doesn't measure up. That looks like a kelp bed floating in the foreground just past the beach. I think I took this picture around Monterey on the 13 hour tour bus trip from hell. With nearly a month's distance from that day, and a stack of film capturing only the beautiful vistas and positive memories, the experience is feeling like it was worth it. I can even be fooled by my own pictures.

My toy camera love has not fallen away, I just don't post them very often. As intimated yesterday, I favour the Diana (loaded with b&w). I use the Holga less often for colour.

I recently archived some old toy camera photos from this site into my flickr stream. The set contains a few recent pictures I posted there but did not put up here. It's not that I favour those pictures less, it's that in some ways the toy camera shots feel too derivative. Maybe I'm wrong.

Cyclone

"We cannot settle for the pretenses of connection, or for the parodies of self-love." -Audre Lorde

I can pull quotes out of my ass and pretend to be wise too.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it stands than to anything on which it is poured." - Anonymous

Sometimes getting red hot pissed off is the sane and healthy thing to do.

Passing Ship

"You must live life with the full knowledge that your actions will remain. We are creatures of consequence... Our children will be born of our actions. Our accidents will become their destinies.

....On cold days a man can see his breath, on a hot day he can't. On both occasions, the man breathes."
- from "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith

Today's Song: "It Takes Two" Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock. Our stereo has been on the fritz lately plus I'm generally lazy -- getting up and walking a few feet to flip an album over is hard work. Consequently, most of my music listening for the last several months has been happening via the computer. I'm so lazy I'll put it on Party Shuffle and suffer through utter crap without bothering to click on I-Tunes to change the song. Well the stereo is back in action and as a result I've been pulling the albums out again. I decided to try and start alphabetically at the beginning but seriously, that's never going to happen. I went straight for "It Takes Two." But then "Joy and Pain" came on and I had to get up after only one song to replace the album. I have been spoiled by the MP3.

Mail

The Ladyfest event is still on for Saturday. I have to go shopping for all the fresh fruit this afternoon.

I've uploaded a copy of the invite to the New York event here.

------------------------------

I'm auctioning off this print in hopes of raising some money for a memorial tree and plaque we are buying for Sakura.

And on an unrelated note we've had the first cold morning of fall today. Please don't leave me summer.

From the Staten Island Ferry

Sometimes when I go on a trip I end up with a song on repeat in my head. On this trip it was "New York, it's a hell of a town. The Bronx is up and Brooklyn's down."

Annoying, but at least it helped me keep a sense of direction.

NYC Building | Fake Tudor

Last night I shredded a shitload of old crap that was taking up space in the top drawer of my filing cabinet. It was satisfying to see some of that old stuff go, knowing I would never see it again. The drawer actually closes! Then it got boring and repetative and I had to stop.

I woke up this morning in a foul mood. I dreamt that I was driving through Niagara Falls on my birthday, sitting in the back seat of a special car sent by FLICKR (huh?) when I discovered, in a part of town I have never visited (because it doesn't exist), an exact replica of the townhouse complex I grew up in. It scared the shit out of me. Plus the entire surrounding neighbourhood consisted of even more fake tudor homes resulting in a sprawling fake tudor-look mess.

This is not the first time I have dreamt about ugly subdivisions. I once had a dream about fake colonial megahomes with an adjacent fake-colonial plaza that housed a Tim Hortons.

Swan 2

A lovely book review and an interview with Saucy Magazine.

Forget the Swan

I'm looking for work. I try not to let work mingle here too much but in case I haven't made it clear I do print and web design. I had to let go of my long term, regular clients when I got the book deal since the timeline was so insane and am now in dire need of work that, like, pays me money and stuff.