I'm thinking about getting a haircut. A proper one. From a salon. Where they wash your hair and then someone lifts it and drops it several times to "see how it falls", followed by some angle cutting and razoring and whatnots. That's a pretty big deal considering my current and long standing hairdresser is a reluctant Mr. Risk armed with a pair of 15 dollar scissors from the Home Hardware. All he has to do is cut it straight across at varying lengths depending on my mood.
So the other day I told my brother and his friend about my plan. She had just cut his hair that day and had even cut her own. She did a good job but they have curly hair. I have very straight hair. I think she was all set to cut my hair until...
Me: "So I'm going to get a haircut."
Her: "How? Short or..."
Me: "Whatever. I don't know. It depends."
Her: "You know what would look cute..."
Me (abruptly): "I don't want to look cute. I hate cute. I'm thirty years old. I'm not nineteen. I want to look thirty. But not like a suburban soccer mom. I don't want to look like I drive an SUV and wear slacks. I want to look like me... at thirty. The person I am at thirty. Without cuteness. I hate the passivity of cuteness. 'I'm so cute. I won't challenge you with my cuteness. I'll make you feel comfortable because I'm cute and nice and unthreatening'. I fucking abhor cute. Cuteness can fuck off."
Her: "But whatever your haircut the YOU that is inside will still come out."
Me: "Not entirely. God I can't tell you how many times I went to (insert name of trendy downtown hair salon) and fucking Rocky or Jimmy or whomever gave me the same blandy haircut.
No, it's got to be me. It's got to look like me. Not blandy, but not kicky or puffy or wispy or cute. I don't want fringing. No more bobs. I'm sick of the bob. But it has to be easy to maintain. I'm not hyper on the hygeine. No product. Because of my health I can't use product. Plus I don't want to use product. Oh and I don't want one of those hairstyles that looks the same everyday. I don't want to have to style it exactly the same every single day."
Her: "Okay so I'm not touching your hair!"
Me: "Ha! No pressure there eh?"