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greatwall_distiltruck.jpg

Old Time Truck
Taken with Great Wall DF-

Last night I received an anonymous email that blew my mind. Wow. I've thought about it repeatedly today.

Last night I went through my archives some and came across this post. I tend to go back to the linked article regularly because it's something I continue to contemplate. And then I found the following quote on Keri Smith's site. I tend to notice this kind of syncronicity in my life on a regular basis.

"All humans are storytellers with their own unique point of view. When we understand this, we no longer feel the need to impose our story on others or to defend what we believe. Instead, we see all of us as artists with the right to create our own art." -Don Miguel Ruiz

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I have to decide immediately whether or not to speak at an event next spring. I don't want to make this decision because I know what the answer is and I don't like it. I am terrified of public speaking and tend to turn these requests down as a result. But I can't continue to do that. I have to do this. When the book process started the very first thing that entered my mind was "Book=book tour=public appearances/public speaking." That was almost enough to stop me from doing the whole thing altogether. Most of my fear and blocks during the process have been a subconcious attempt to halt the inevitable... everything that comes once the book is finished... the possibility of failure, of ridicule... and of a book tour.

My last public speaking event was a terrible experience. I vowed never again. I'm okay with a few people but terrified of an audience. I'm okay on the radio or face-to-face with another person but awful in front of a crowd. I know all the tricks and they don't work. This last year has been so much about facing my fears. At times I feel like a scared child asking myself "Why are you doing this to me?" But at other times I know there is no other way.

Fuck.



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