"Only when we expose ourselves over and over again to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us."
I was going to write today about my love for Mike Leigh movies and watching "Vera Drake" last night, but minutes ago I came across the above quote and subsequent entry on Keri Smith's site and that altered my plans. I've been grappling with a lot of fear about being over-exposed and I've jumped between feeling that the fear means this is something I have to do that is good for me and feeling that I'm just hurting myself even more. Sometimes it's hard to know what's right. I know that a lot of my fear and vulnerability stems from being sick last week and feeling exhausted and incapable as a result of that. So I decided I wouldn't make any decisions until I was into a better headspace and much less overwhelmed.
Keri's thoughts on exposure are great. She's a smart person.
Another thing that is very telling is that I always notice that whatever advice I'm dishing out is always the advice I most need to take at that time. I was having a conversation with my brother last week about the way people judge us based on our financial status and I was telling him that if being wealthy is not a part of his belief system then he can't allow the perceptions of people who would judge him in that way to effect how he feels about himself or be a measure of his success. Of course I realize I'm doing the same thing in worrying that being myself in a public sphere will set me up to be judged by people when I'm not sure why I would consider the perceptions of anyone who would judge me based on an entirely different belief system then my own.