Yesterday was super. As previously mentioned, I'm working on a book about urban gardening. I'm nowhere near the writing stage but due to the changes in seasons I need to be working on certain aspects of the book in a backwards way. A woman I know has many connections with residents of Toronto's Island community, namely Ward's Island and Algonquin, and had offered to tour me around and introduce me to people so I could interview them and take photos. Well, it was much more than I imagined! When we arrived on the island, one of the people we were to meet, a television gardening personality, was unexpectedly at the dock waiting for us. We were just supposed to hang out for a bit, look at his garden and move on. But for some reason he decided to take us around to all the gardens (TONS), eat lunch with us and show us his work around the islands. In the end he spent eight hours with us!! I really could not believe his generosity of time and spirit and found myself thanking him profusely.

Spending an entire day hanging out with people of all ages who really dig plants in the way that I do was the glorious geek-fest I needed. What's more, hanging out with people who were incredibly decent, generous and humane was even better.

As a child, I grew up with alot of assholes around me. The adults in my life were mostly just losers with no interests, assholes who treated me like another kid who was just "in the way", or conservatives with very narrow perspectives who judged me by my class status and the behaviour of my parents rather than as I was as an individual. As a result, I grew up with a generous portion of both mistrust and fear of adults that I could never quite shake... even though I knew it was unrealistic. My way was to avoid any "parents" or anyone for that matter over a certain age. I don't think it helped that as I aged I continuously, whether through school, work, etc, found myself dealing with a disproportionate number of assholes. The only difference was that now I was supposedly an adult myself and I was disheartened to discover that it didn't seem to make a difference.

But stuff happened when I got into my late 20's and I changed. And in changing shit started to flip around a bit. Slowly I noticed my asshole to non-asshole ratio shift way to the other side of the spectrum. They say (I don't know who "they" are) that if you recognize certain patterns in your life, then you need to look at yourself to see why those patterns have developed -- what it is about you that is attracting that stuff. I think on some level I've always been afraid of good people. As much as I hate dealing with fucked-up-ness, I understand it. Healthfullness has been too unpredictable. I can't fit the greyness of the emotionally adjusted into convenient little black and white boxes.

The assholes are dissolving and for once in my life, I find myself getting as much as I give in the spirit I give it in. That's pretty hopeful.