Sunday, June 26, 2005     « Orange Curtain »


While I enjoyed the day, Hamilton made me want to cry. A lot of people were out on the street self-medicating. Towards the end of the day, when the light is best, we found a really down-and-out area that was worse than the other shitty areas we originally walked through. It's strange because on the one hand these are the best places to photograph. I hate *new*, and older, economically depressed areas tend to have skipped over the *new* simply because it couldn't be financed. As a result buildings have become more run down but lack the *newness* that I despise. On the other hand they are sometimes uninhabitable places where people shouldn't be forced to live. Whats more I am aware of where I am and what I'm doing there. I am aware that I'm a visitor who doesn't have to stay. I don't live in a fancy place or in a fancy neighbourhood -- there are people with serious disfunction sharing the streets with me -- but I am a member of this community and not a visitor or a tourist here. It's different.

While walking the street, I spoke to a few people who formed words with exceptional difficulty. My mind started to wander and make comparisons. Why didn't I end up like that? Why am I looking in rather than looking out? I know the pain and hurt that people carry, but I'm not destroyed by it. Maybe my parents didn't hate me enough, hurt me enough, break me enough. I wonder about these things quite a lot. I'm a strong believer in nurture vs nature but I know that life is more complex than that too.

p.s. the streets were on fire yesterday. It was the hottest day I can remember in a long time. I could literally feel the heat coming up from the sidewalk through my shoes.

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