Wednesday, January 31, 2007     « Garbage Bags and Sparrows (Bathed in Light) »


Serenity NOW! If there's one thing I took away from all of those years of Seinfeld it was that quote from George's dad.

I'm not going to be popular today having had to establish some boundries and having told one person to back the hell off -- and all before lunch! I've been feeling like a big wuss lately so at least it's a good sign that I'm slowly emerging from out of this intensely frustrating too-afraid-to-be-critical mini phase. I've been railing on for days about how disappointed and pissed off I am about the ways in which we all sit around eating up the mediocrity we're fed; the ways in which we love, love, love everything to be so fucking easy and pretty and light and NICE and cute. Why would anyone want to be accepted for being like a saccarine and sweet puff of whipped cream? We're so much more and so much better than that. It's a betrayal.

I don't intend to extend the rant here but to make the point that I can see that what I am really wanting and saying to myself in all of this is a longing to be accepted for being not cute. To be accepted externally and to also accept myself for being challenging, critical, difficult, intelligent, pointed, thoughtful, wanting more, needing more, and demanding more.

Cuteness, politeness, and pretty isn't enough. It's only part of a much more complex, beautiful, and exciting picture. And I don't buy it for a minute.

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