May 30, 2003

Picked Dandelions on the Milky Way


dandelions_picked.jpg

Picked Dandelions on the Milky Way
Shot with Nikon 990

We're intending to have a garage sale sometime in the near future and last night, in a sudden urge to get rid of shit, I began going through boxes of stuff. In one box I came across my old journals from ten years ago. Of course I couldn't resist getting side-tracked and read through most of the books. What a miserable read. What stands out the most is how I already knew, to some degree, alot of what I know now... I guess I just didn't know how to act on it.

At the time I also liked to write down cheesy lines from television shows. Here's a bit of television 'wisdom' from Doogie Howser. "Ray and I got caught up in comparing ourselves to others. It doesn't matter whether you think too much of yourself or too little, either way you lose."

Posted by Gayla at 10:46 AM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2003

The Language of Gender


spartus full vue high park guys

High Park Guys
Taken with Spartus Full Vue

I met a woman last night at a friend's house. I met her before but it was a long time ago. She remembered me but only after I told her how we met and what the circumstances were. I look more like I did at 17 than I did even 3 years ago. Only I'm very much not 17. I don't know what age I look like but I'm sure it's not 17. I just have the same non-hairstyle.*

The woman said that when I walked through the door her exact thought process was:

[Pointing to me]: "Female."
[And then pointing to herself]: "Female."
[And then pointing to me]: "Hair."
[And then running her hands over her head]: "Hair."
[Then pointing to me and then to herself]: "Different. Different."

I thought it was odd that she was so conscious of her chain of thought. That's the kind of thing that happens so fast you don't notice it. But what endeared her to me was that she thought "female" rather than "woman" or various other words for females. I myself prefer to use the word "female" over other words.

I like to be official.

Although I'm willing to accept "broad" under the right circumstances.

For someone whose verbal skills are highly lacking ("thingy" is now officially banned from use because I rely on it way too much), I'm very picky about words and how they're used and who uses them and when.

* The other thing I liked about the woman was that she told long-winded stories and broke off into tangents. Much like I do... and am doing right now.

Posted by Gayla at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)

May 28, 2003

Nothing to Say


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Tulips
Taken with Coronet Ambassador

Nothing to say. Maybe later.

Posted by Gayla at 10:38 AM | Comments (1)

May 27, 2003

Four Little Box Cameras


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L to R: Spartus Full Vue, Ansco B-2 Cadet, Ansco Shur Shot, Brownie Hawkeye Flash Outfit

My lot of four box cameras arrived early this morning. Aren't they swell? Three of the cameras take 120 film, and the Brownie Hawkeye takes six-20. The Brownie Hawkeye still has film in it! The guy who sold me the cameras said he didn't open the back so it is possible that the film is still good. I'm going to finish the roll and then take it in.

They were pretty dirty, especially the Shur Shot which has quite a lot of rust. I managed to clean them up a bit this morning but need to really sit down and take them apart a bit more if I really want to get them clean. I did take the front panels off the Ansco cameras and extracted quite a lot of dust and debris.

I like the design of the new Spartus Full Vue better than my other one. It's black bakelite with a really nice deco design. I had thought I would modify the new one into a pinhole but now I don't want to mess with it. I have this wierd thing with preserving objects as they are.

So far, on first glance I'm most excited by the Brownie Hawkeye. I originally wanted this lot most for the Ansco Shur Shot, but now that they're here the Brownie is by far the prettiest and the mid-sized viewfinder makes it a bit easier to use than the Shur Shot.

Posted by Gayla at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)

May 26, 2003

Two Disks on the Milky Way


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Two Disks on the Milky Way
Shot with Nikon 990

My little site was a Coolstop Best of the Cool pick yesterday.

Currently loving "DogTown and Z-Boys" Have watched it in parts, three times now -- basically whenever I happen to catch it on the movie channels. I love the photos and the music appeals to me because of its familiarity. It's the soundtrack to my childhood. It's the music my parents listened to in the car or when 'partying" with friends. Except maybe "Gimme Danger". They were straight-up classic rock stoners really.


Listening to Pavement doing a cover of Something. Hilarious.

Posted by Gayla at 10:42 AM | Comments (0)

May 24, 2003

First Holga Shots


First set of pictures with the Holga.  I remember removing the inner frame that changes the picture size from rectangle to square, but I don't remember putting it back in.  Oh well.

Posted by Gayla at 12:43 AM | Comments (1)

May 23, 2003

Box Camera Pusher


coronet dandelions

Field of Dandelions
Taken with the Coronet Ambassador

The Brownie Target Six-20 had some trouble yesterday. The mirrors in the viewfinders got jostled somehow and I couldn't see through them anymore. I took a bunch of completely blind pictures before I got up the nerve to shake it which thankfully moved the mirrors back into the right position. That kind of "fixing up" is equivillent to kicking the convenience food dispensing machine. But apparently it works sometimes.

I'm turning into the box camera equivillent of the drug pushers they warn you about in commercials who try to get the kids "hooked on their dope". I bought my brother a disposable 35mm camera the other day because they were only 5 bucks. Okay it's not a box camea but you have to start with the softer drugs right? I didn't need it but I couldn't NOT get it. I find myself egging Mr. Risk on to "Just try out one of the box cameras." I say "Wouldn't you like to try one? I've got a bunch. You can take your pick. Any camer you want. Come on, they're fun." I talk about the cameras and show n' tell the cameras so much one friend is looking on ebay and another who had some in storage is pulling them out.

I'm going to start a gang soon. I already have a name. I've considered registering the url.

Posted by Gayla at 11:19 AM | Comments (4)

May 22, 2003

Plastic Pieces of Shit


brownie target six 20 forsythia

Forsythia in High Park
Taken with Brownie Target Six-20

Yesterday we went over to Henry's to buy more rechargeable batteries for the various electronic devices and popped into Downtown Camera "just to look". Well I didn't know they were selling Holgas there. Ya I bought one. So far just in terms of "fun of use" I still rate the brownies higher. There's something more satisfying about their weight in your hands. Plus I prefer the top viewer, the way you have to hold the camera still and flat against your body for support and frankly they're just good looking cameras. The Holga is, well, a plastic piece of shit. But I guess there is something to be said for plastic pieces of shit. You can take it apart and mess with it and that's fun too. Although I'm a bit afraid to take mine apart because even though it's a cheap camera, it wasn't cheap in a 5-bucks-kind-of-way or in a "If I break it, who cares" sort-of-way.

Oh and if you're looking for cheap, expired 120 film in Toronto, Downtown Camera has a good supply going for around $3.50 each right now.

Brownie Target Six-20
I downloaded a manual for the Brownie Target Six-20 and discovered that two little pull-out bits of metal that I thought were for opening and closing the camera are actually a time lever and a lens opening slide. This camera gets better everytime I use it.

Baby Holga
The Baby Holga I bought for Mr. Risk on ebay arrived today. It's, as you can imagine, another plastic piece of shit that is just big enough to cover the 110 cartridge that fits inside. You can fit the whole camera in the palm of one hand! Miniature is neat.

Links For My Brother

"A Surface In Between presents the wide scope of art activity related to skateboard culture..."

Dogtown and Z-Boys

Posted by Gayla at 02:13 PM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2003

Box Camera Photos


Magnolia Tree Taken with Brownie Target Six-20

Magnolia Tree
Taken with Brownie Target Six-20

Yesterday three rolls of film came back! Two were from new box cameras and one was from the new Lubitel 2. So far the Brownie Target Six-20 is my favourite. It is the most fun to use but the pictures are also really amazing. The above photo is my favourite of all three rolls of film. The only problem with this camera is the hassle of shaving the reel, which isn't much of a hassle when you compare it to the people who re-roll the film onto a 620 reel and then roll it BACK onto a 120 reel for processing.

One unfortunate thing I discovered is that the photos from all the box cameras are quite long and as a result the camera store doesn't print the entire negative. They actually chop quite a lot off and the chopping seems to be fairly random. As a result I'm missing some important parts of photos. I can't do much about the colour photos but my plan for black and white film is to try the old cyanotype and vandyke chemicals I have sitting around. I had promised myself that for the sake of my health I wouldn't mess with darkroom chemicals again, but these aren't too bad if I wear neoprene gloves and work in a ventilated space. At least I don't have to deal with fixatives and such. My idea is to try and do contact prints from the black and white negatives. They're big enough for it. We'll see.

The second roll of film from the new Lubitel 2 seems to confirm my initial assessment of it. The focus is pretty screwed, there isn't much issue with light leaks, sometimes there is a strong tunnel vision effect, and the photos are really dark around the edges. The other Lubitel 2 had some darkness, but this one is crazy. I love it!

My MayDay Project is up.

Posted by Gayla at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2003

MayDay MayDay

Finally my MayDay entry!


mayday1.jpg

Watering and quality time with my plants.
This is a bush cucumber seedling.
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"Are we going outside yet?"
She insists on a human escort but then ignores you once outside. But if you leave she'll come back in.
mayday3.jpg

On the way to the plant sale.
My favourite abandoned chair (It's gone now).
mayday4.jpg

A stop in the bathroom at the community centre. It's also an elementary school. Remember these old foot pedal fountains?
Then off to get money from cash machine to pay for plethora of plants.
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Waiting in line to pay for the two FULL trays of plants I picked out.
mayday6.jpg

Lunch.
Quiche purchased from the Farmer's Market.
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"What Not to Wear" on TLC
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Out in the garden planting my new purchases.
This is a red currant we've had for years.


Building the twig fence.


Returning a late rental dvd.


Can't physically walk past the corner garden market without stopping, looking and buying more plants.


A lazy meal of fried guinea fowl eggs (purchased at the Farmer's Market) on spelt toast with basil. They really were that bright orange.
Oh and a bowl of greens.


Friggin "What Not to Wear" on TLC AGAIN. But a different episode. I swear I don't like this show THAT much. It was the only thing on.


Watching "Standing in the Shadows of Motown"


Still watching "Standing in the Shadows of Motown".

At midnight my ass was still parked in front of the screen watching "Standing in the Shadows of Motown".

Posted by Gayla at 11:22 PM | Comments (3)

It's the Camera's Fault


spoonstairs.jpg

Went to see the Lomo exhibits at Harbourfront on Sunday afternoon. It sucked. We also popped in to see Toronto Grid Works which I have to say did very little for me. There were a few really lovely photos but alot of them were pretty crap. Art: it's subjective. The thing that really bugs me about photo exhibits is the little information card lists the type of print but nothing about the film or camera used.

But now turning it back to me, I'm picking up three rolls of film today and I have a fourth to take in. I can not wait. Waiting for film is like waiting for Christmas. I managed to make it through all the box cameras this weekend! I've been buying box cameras like crazy yet I haven't developed one roll of film from any of them. I guess my reasoning is if I like using them, at least one of them will produce pictures I like.

Notice how I make the camera responsible for the pictures.

This weekend I bought a lot of four box cameras. They include: an Ansco Shur Shot, a black Brownie, a Spartus Full Vue (I'm going to make it into a pinhole), and Brownie Hawkeye Flash Outfit. This is it. No more camera buying. I figure I've got to have enough cameras to take pictures with by now.

Posted by Gayla at 09:47 AM | Comments (2)

May 16, 2003

May Two-Four Eh?


lubitel_boxes.jpg

boxes
Taken with Lubitel 2 (The old one that died)

Here's something totally new and original -- I bought some new cameras. I bought a Baby Holga 110 micro camera for Mr. Risk. It's literally the size of the 110 cartridge. We'll see what comes out of it. I've sort of forced him to become the Keeper of 110 film by buying him a lot of 10 rolls of it off ebay recently. He likes the tiny cameras but the images it produces are pretty grainy and shit. I thought maybe a new camera would inspire him to get through the rolls.

I also joined the ranks of the many and bought a Lomo LC-A. I'm sort of off 35mm film now but we'll see. It will be some time before either of these cameras arrive so I'll be working on finishing at least one roll from each of the box cameras.

This weekend is the May 24 (pronounced May Two-Four) long weekend except it's not May 24. May 24 is next weekend. This makes no sense to me. I can't wrap my head around it. Who's in charge of making these decisions anyways?

Things I associate with May 24:

  • Lakeside Park by Rush "Everyone would gather on the twenty-fourth of May. Sitting in the sand to watch the fireworks display. Dancing fires on the beach, singing songs together. Though it's just a memory, some memories last forever."

    Ya I'm from St. Catharines and I can't tell you how many times in my life people have said "Hey like that Rush song eh?." Yes people, it's just like that Rush song.

  • Guys who drink entire two-fours of Labbatt's Blue by themself.

  • Frisbee. I fucking hate frisbee. Hate isn't a strong enough word. I just don't enjoy it at all.

  • My cousin brought a hairdryer and an entire arsenol of styling products with her camping... in a tent. The rain and wind that weekend was torrential.

  • Ten years ago, on a May 24 weekend, I went to my aunt and uncle's trailer and it was WAY more equipped than my apartment was at the time... Which wouldn't have been hard to surpass.

  • In these parts May Two-Four is also known as Planting Weekend. Don't enter a garden centre unless you want to be caught in insane lineups. It's supposed to be safe to plant stuff now because we've entered the frost free time. Looking out the window right now I'm finding that difficult to believe.

    Posted by Gayla at 11:07 AM | Comments (3)
  • May 15, 2003

    Box Camera Crazy


    lubitel_car.jpg

    a car
    Taken with Lubitel 2 (The old one that died)

    PhotoFriday: Transportation

    I did do the MayDay Project last Saturday but I've been too busy to put it together and post it.

    My red Kodak 120 Box Camera arrived a few days ago. Mine isn't as fancy as the one in the picture. Mine doesn't have the second viewfinder on the side, the handle is missing and there is no gold sticker. I took some pictures with it yesterday but who knows what I shot. I can't see a thing through the viewfinder. It's all a fuzzy haze. I'm yet to finish a roll with any of the new box cameras. I keep jumping between them. Plus the weather has been so shit here (again) that I haven't been in the mood to go out and take pictures or when I do go out I don't bother (although I still lug the lot around with me).

    So far in terms of "fun of use" I like the Target Brownie Six-20 best. It fits into the current configuration of my camera bag, the handle is still attached and the viewfinder sort-of works. The Coronet Ambassador has a better viewfinder and that neat green filter but it doesn't fit into the bag as easily and the film advances if you don't carry it in your hands.

    Braised Mushroom Stem Noodle Soup -- King's Cafe. Page 26 of the menu.

    Posted by Gayla at 09:15 AM | Comments (9)

    May 10, 2003

    Thin Line Between Love and Hate


    magnolia.jpg

    Magnolia
    Shot with Nikon 990

    Lately I've had the song "Thin Line Between Love and Hate" * stuck in my head on repeat. I can't get it out. This morning, in an attempt to appease my mind and hopefully wear the song out, I listened to it 3 times in a row. It's still stuck. I just listened to it again.

    It made me wonder why it is I like songs like that. All that old 60's and 70's Atlantic soul and Motown stuff is great music and you can't help but be drawn in by the emotions of the singers but the messages about love and life are often pretty fucked up. I mean, exactly how is the line between love and hate thin? I'd imagine there is a pretty strong division between the two. Unless of course you're talking about obsession which is not love. Plus this song is about how if you don't treat your woman right she'll kick your ass and put you in the hospital.

    We rented "Standing in the Shadows of Motown" which I'm very excited to watch later on tonight.

    * If you must know the song is by The Persuaders and was distributed by Atlantic on the Atco label.

    For those in the Northern Hemisphere: don't forget the MayDay Project. I nearly forgot this morning but luckily remembered within the first hour of waking up.

    Posted by Gayla at 01:43 PM | Comments (0)

    May 09, 2003

    More Frustrating Shit that is Hard to Encapsulate in a Few Short Words


    plasticchair.jpg

    Rannie's entry today really threw me off what I was planning to put here this morning. Actually I completely forget what I was going to put here so... Anyways, he touched on a few things that led me to make this site in the first place so I thought I'd write about that instead.

    Over the last few years I began to feel that I wasn't expressing myself. Which is kind of a strange thing to explain to people because I make my living being creative and I am essentially expressing myself on a constant basis. But it was more than that for me. I felt really disconnected between who I am inside and what I do. I just had this really strong, really painful feeling in my gut that I wasn't expressing myself at all and that I was losing myself on some level. At times the feeling was so intense I felt I was going to suffocate. And you know what else is frustrating? When I would try to talk openly and honestly about this with some of the people around me, they didn't want to hear it. They would change the subject or get really uncomfortable. Actually some friends did hear what I said and really did want to talk about it and for that I have great appreciation.

    For me this problem is complicated because it has its root in a variety of places. Part of being a designer for me has been about expressing another person's vision. I don't feel as if what I design for others is really me. So while I'm in a creative job, there is a distance between myself and the work, which at times can be a nice safe, comfortable distance. Another problem is that I started to come to rely on certain tricks I've developed over the years. I felt my designs were just rehashing the same ole same ole over and over again. I wasn't pushing myself. I started to lose any kind of persective on the work I was doing. It all looked like shit to me. I couldn't enjoy my accomplishments anymore. I felt like the people close to me were bullshitting me with their compliments and praise. So on another level I became dependant on that to give me some perspective on what I was doing. Because if I couldn't tell if something was good or not, then maybe someone else could... even if I still don't really think they're being completely truthful. So complicated.

    Another problem is that I started projects that had an intension or purpose in my mind but the way they were perceived by others was very opposite to that. As a result I began slowly and subtley altering what I did to go with the wishes of my perceived audience and at the same time became frustrated with feeling as if I wasn't expressing myself clearly if people's perceptions were so off. Which I think is partly true.

    Another issue that comes into play here is that over the last few years I have changed, alot. I don't feel like I'm the same person anymore. I'm not the same person anymore and that's a good thing. I like who I am. But it has left a gap between who I am inside and who I am externally. I need to express myself more honestly despite the consequences I have built up in my mind. I have always felt a need to express things about me as a person but at some point in my adult life, for various reasons, I began to create a wall around myself and as a result even I became disconnected from parts of myself. I stopped writing personal stuff. I stopped drawing personal stuff. I stopped doing all these things for myself that I used to do really unself-consciously.

    So at some point I realised that I had to act. I knew I needed to create space and time in everyday to do this. So far it is working out. It's not all sunshine and roses but I have started doing more personal things outside of this context even so that's something.

    Posted by Gayla at 11:13 AM | Comments (4)

    May 08, 2003

    Drawing a Pack of Smokes

    cigs.gif

    I'm finally starting to do some drawings using my Wacom Tablet. I did three last night. I'm pretty proud of myself.

    As an aside whenever I say "I'm proud of myself" I am reminded of a scene in Gummo where the two boys are selling their daily haul of dead cats and one of the boys (Tummler) says "I'm pretty smart if I do say so myself."

    I'd been planning to do some drawings such as the one above for ages, but in the last several years drawing anything of a personal nature has been incredibly intimidating. It scares the shit out of me. I drew these freehand in Photoshop; hence the wiggly lines.

    These drawings are for the project about my childhood home I mentioned a while back, and go along with some text about how my parents used to send me to the store almost everyday for cigarettes and a 3 quart bag of milk. When they bought my first non-training wheel bike they put a basket on it so I could better accomodate carrying the big bag of milk. Gee thanks!

    Posted by Gayla at 09:22 AM | Comments (1)

    May 07, 2003

    Another Spartus Picture


    spartus_desk.jpg

    rusty desk
    Taken with Spartus Full-Vue

  • Get your War Chops on.
  • May Day Project coming up this Saturday.
  • Also this Saturday FoodShare Plant Sale. I'll most likely be there picking up some supplies.
  • Lovely new photos up at 28mm.org
  • Comfort Food is the theme at LaLaLand. I'm looking forward to the storefronts theme.

    Keri Smith's monthly newsletter includes a link to her newest article about how sometimes your business can run you. In my world remove the word 'sometimes'. Especially this month. In the article she talks about the kind of thinking that I often get into which is to see every task as "something I have to get through" and that constant nagging need to produce, produce, produce. Sometimes when I'm in the shower I've got a running list going... "After I get dressed and brush my teeth I'll make some food, then I'll get on that one client job and while I've got Illustrator open I might as well do such and such". Yes, lately I've noticed myself scheduling my work based on what programs I'm working in at the time even though I have a fast computer and it takes a whole extra few seconds to close one up and open another. Sometimes I take multi-tasking to a terrifying level.

    What it boils down for me is too much work. I'm not always good at knowing when to say no. But I'm getting better at it. Part of the issue for me is recognizing I have more than I can handle and then taking action quickly.

    And now back to my list.

    Posted by Gayla at 10:55 AM | Comments (0)
  • May 06, 2003

    Weekend


    spartus_nutcart.jpg

    nut cart
    Taken with Spartus Full-Vue

    The first images taken with the Spartus Full-Vue were developed on Friday. Most of the images are pretty blurry but there are two that I'm happy with. I love the darkness around the edges. It doesn't show much on the photo above but it does on most of the others. Even the crazy blurred pictures are good. Now I know that I need to hold the camera flat against my body for the added support that is obviously necessary and that I can't expect photos of moving people to look like much. This is a landscape/still life kind of camera.

    On Saturday I went to the Clothing Show and Sale with my brother and his girlfriend. It was kind of chaotic. I bought a pair of pants and a camera. Figures that at a clothing show I'd manage to find the one booth with old cameras. The seller had an old Ansco Rediflex that had a metal plate in front that covered the twin lens. When you slid it up, it pulled up the view finder simultaneously. Neat contraption. Too bad the shutter was broken. So instead I bought a really beautiful 1940's "Target Brownie Six-20" box camera. It takes 620 film but the camera is in good shape with a strong shutter and no rust inside. I shaved down a 120 reel and it fit perfectly. I shot 5 photos with it on Sunday afternoon. There is something really satisfying about using these old box cameras. I feel like I'm getting away with something. I felt really McGuyver-ish shaving down the film and putting colour film into a camera that was produced before colour film existed. Plus when I'm taking pictures people either completely ignore me and don't get defensive like they do with normal cameras, or they look at me like there is no way I could possibly be taking actual pictures with such an old thing.

    Sadly I lost the first images from the Coronet Ambassador. The camera was in the bottom of my backpack on Saturday and was moved around alot as a result. Unfortunately the film was advanced right to the end accidently and since I've been juggling so many cameras simultaneously, I couldn't remember how many photos I'd taken. I tried winding the reel back in the dark, but I messed it up. Live and learn.

    Posted by Gayla at 10:41 AM | Comments (2)

    May 05, 2003

    I have love


    hyacinths.jpg

    Where did the time go? Yesterday marked our tenth year together!

    Posted by Gayla at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)

    May 02, 2003

    Toronto Garbage


    toronto trash

    Toronto Trash
    Taken with Lubitel 2

    Be an artist. Get your own studio at Terminus 1525.

    The above image is from the third and last set I took with the Lubitel 2 before it died (way before it's time). I've been using the new Lubitel 2 but with three new film cameras to juggle and no extracurricular time available, it's been difficult finishing rolls. The first sets are testers so I try not to take them all in one place under one set of conditions. Today I get the first set back from the Spartus Full-Vue. Excitment!

    Posted by Gayla at 10:14 AM | Comments (0)

    May 01, 2003

    Wall O' Images

    wall-o-images.jpg

    One afternoon taken with the extremely low res and very shitty Pencam Trio.

    Posted by Gayla at 05:49 PM | Comments (0)

    By Appointment to the Queen


    tracks_tower.jpg

    Tower along the tracks

    Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

    Long day of work. Tired. I don't even really like this picture but was very indecisive when going through the images currently available on this computer.

    The Coronet Ambassador arrived today. It has a little top viewer that flips up as well as a side viewer and a little thing that you pull out to change the filter to green! No focus or other fanciness. It has a metal and plastic body. I've already loaded it up and taken one picture. I truly hope this camera makes a decent photo because I really like its character. It's swell.

    Posted by Gayla at 12:41 AM | Comments (1)