Making Happy

Canadian Film

Yesterday was the last day of picture-taking on the film set and it was great fun. Mind you it was friggin freezing on the rooftop and my fear of heights was kicking in due to the ice and lack of railing and then I had to come back here and push pixels all night... But we got to meet some of our favourite Canadian film and television character actors! I'm normally not a star fucker but it's a small thrill meeting people who I think have done some pretty darn all right stuff and who act like humans rather than celebrities.

Last of the Train Photos

More photos of this train 1 | 2

Mr. Risk picked up more film yesterday... haven't even scanned a bunch of it and don't have time. I've got a tight deadline that I'll have to work hard on over the weekend.

It's very exciting though! Getting film back is like Xmas, and possibly just as expensive. I'm dying to see what's on the remaining rolls and waiting for the chance to scan is a special kind of torture. I just hate not knowing!

Recently we've been taking photos on a film set. So far the locations have been rich with character... and so have the actors! I took a roll of portraits (and a few of the crew) with the Great Wall camera that I'm very happy with. People photos are difficult and unnerving for me. The discomfort prevents me from really seeing and focussing attention to what I'm doing and I'm often unhappy with the result. However, these turned out nicely and I'm proud of having done it... even if only for 12 shots (it was too cold to change the film).

Sadly my Horizon shots from that scene were chewed up by the camera. That was a heartbreaking experience that I could have lived without. I had high hopes for those photos. The sky was looming and full of texture and I was sure between the location and the activity that I would have had some nice photos. Damn it! However, on the other hand I've managed to scan a few Horizon frames from another location and they look good. This location was an old bowling alley that was unbelievable and very surreal... like bowling in someone's crazy rec room.

Stuck on the Tracks II

Stuck on the Tracks

This train was stuck on the tracks by our place last Friday. The sun was terrific but the cold was BITTER.

I Post What I Like. The End.

We're picking up a bunch of developed film today. Exciting! There's always that anticipation of what worked and what didn't. I'm most interested to see how my snow photos have been working out. Another night of scanning.

Both Mr. Risk and I have been getting sick of our current batch of stuff. If I'm posting my number 6 favourite on a roll of 12 I feel like I'm going too far into my sorta-whatever stuff. Although experience has shown me that what I consider number 12, has at times been someone else's number 1 so.... it's all subjective. I just post what I like. The end.

I've got a box of just LC-A prints but I'm too lazy to start digging around in there for something to post (although the last two days have been just that!)

Weekend Crap

Had a very busy weekend. I'm socialised for the next two months. Which is good because if I can help it I'm not going outside again until the temperature rises. Who am I kidding? I have to go out for errands today. Still waiting for my clone.

Purchased and watched "Battle Royale" on the advice of a friend and was happily surprised to discover it was directed by a perennial Japanese film favourite Kinji Fukasaku. Despite some bad japanese to english translations, and loads of incredibly immature ideas about love and heterosexual relations, it was entertaining. Watching the film sparked an interest in digging up my old paper on "The Black Lizard" (Kurotakage, 1968).... which in turn resulted in a read-through of several old university papers. Unfortunately, for a paper on gender bending and camp it was kinda boring. And that is why it is better to live the "glory" in your head rather than keep the papers to reread years later.

Went to a party on Saturday night. And alone no less.... which if you know my introverted, antisocial ways will probably shock and disturb... Discovered there is a live bootleg version of Gil Scott Heron's "Home is Where the Hatred Is" that I must have. It's super extended and faster than the album version.

Yesterday I had some respite from all this cold and misery by visiting the Allan Gardens Greenhouse. I dragged three bags of film and assorted cameras with me... managing to use all but one camera! I am the king of multi-camera and multi-format juggling.... a skill I have to keep in check as it taps into an unhealthy need to multi-task. This time I brought Mr. Risk's Canon AE-1 and a huge lens. The light was terrific so I'm hoping to get some good plant pictures out of it.

Baltimore on Wellington

More "Baltimore on Wellington": I | II

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Just finishing up reading "We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity". Yesterday I read this passage:

"Teaching classes on race and gender I often stand at the front of classrooms looking out at a diverse body of students who are more often than not eager to tell me that racism and sexism are no longer a problem, that differences do not really matter, that no one notices because "we are all just people". Then next time we meet I ask them if they were able to die and be born again, which racialized body they would choose and why: a white male, a white female, a black male, or a black female. No matter the makeup of the class... overwhelmingly folks want to come back as white and male. The reasons they give all confirm the race/sex hierarchy in our nation; they all simply believe they will have a better chance at success and at living long and well if they are white males."

This isn't a very good example of the kinds of things she talks about in the book. However I'm pointing it out because it made me stop and wonder for a moment. I thought about what I would chose to be in another life given the choice, and was surprised to discover that I'd be okay coming back as myself. That's not meant to devalue the point bell hooks is making about the social heirarchy we live in, but more a signal of the personal changes I have made in my own self.

Baltimore on Wellington II | Charles Jones

See Baltimore on Wellington I and text.

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Thanks to Jim for the lovely review of this site at PhotoJunkie.org.

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Have you seen the plant photographs of Charles Jones? I was just looking through the book I have and thought to post about it. I have a real distaste for the term "outsider artist".

I think it's time for a visit to the greenhouse. I'm desperate for some greenery.

Might as Well Be Spring | Tracks III

Busy time. Lots to do. I shouldn't even be posting here but I find that some days I need this as a little jumpstart.

Our new/old light meter arrived yesterday. We bought a used one over the holidays but it sucks and we lost the receipt and can't return it. I've been using it but have found that my guesstimating was just as accurate. This new meter is much better and seems accurate. I'm excited to get to that "next level" but not excited about having to juggle another piece of equipment.

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Yesterday I was walking down a side street when I heard some birds chirping in the trees. It was sunny but very cold. The sounds of the birds reminded me of spring. I had an instant flash in my mind of the look and smell of Toronto's side streets when everything is melting and little crocuses and other early spring bulbs are pushing up through the soil. I imagined myself soaring down a hill on my bike without the burden of three layers of clothes under a jacket plus mitts. Wa, I want it to be spring.

More Personality Testing

Yesterday had many distractions. I wasted some serious time on another personality test (found via SoapBoxGirls). This one is called an Ennegram test. I haven't read much but the gist of it is that people are sorted according to 9 categories plus a lean. In my case I came out a 5 with 4. People who fall under 5 are known as the "Observer" (this entire section was incredibly accurate and bears many similarities to my Jungian categorization INFJ) or "Investigator". Apparently with a type 4 lean it means that my goal is to acquire knowledge (for a variety of reasons) without a hard bias towards acceptance or pleasure. I should state though that 4s are seen as having depth of feeling while 5s are seen as having detached emotion. I would guess that being a mix means both exist simultaenously which in my case is one of the bigger paradoxes of my personality.

"Knowledge seeking behaviors are about increasing independence, learning new and better ways to survive in life without conforming or taking advantage of others. " - From my results for this test

I would guess that in the past I would probably have come out with a bias towards one or the other. I'm not sure which. Could have been either. May have been either depending on the day. The thing I like about this test is that it acknowledges that you will change (although the belief is that we are born with a basic type, with which I'm not in total agreement). I may not be a 5w4 forever. I may not be a 5w4 today despite the results of yesterday. I strongly resist the idea that some simple test can determine your personality -- one that you were born with and will die with. I'm a nurture vs nature thinker. And hell, I'm a 5w4 people so I must be right!

Shelf Sitters

When I started buying more cameras, I made a rule that all cameras must be used if they are to be kept. While some cameras are beautiful feats of design, leaving them to collect dust on a shelf isn't right.

Sadly I currently have a few shelf-sitters. One is a gorgeous, but incredibly simple bake-lite box camera called the Timba. I bought it several months back with full intention to use it but the winder is broken. When making purchases on ebay remember that it's not just what is said that is important, but what is left unsaid. I tried sculpting a homemade winder out of a pen cap, but it didn't work. I'm not giving up yet.

Another shelf-sitter is a neat little West German 35mm that stalled my return to film. I bought it on impulse a long while back in an antique store from a shelf of assorted cameras priced at 10 bucks each (what a rip-off but I couldn't resist). Of course I chose it purely for it's aesthetic appeal without checking the shutter or the mechanism. I then went ahead and shot a roll of duds because the shutter is broken. I'm now thinking about opening it up to see if I can get it to function again, and if not I'll either make it into a pinhole or give it away.

More assorted broken cameras or those with discontinued film requirements. My LC-A (I've stolen Mr. Risk's), the Lubitel 2 (possibly a pinhole one of these days), Polaroid Swinger (pretty but also pretty useless), Kodak Flash Fun....

And finally the Kiev 35a. It works great and is in excellent condition (I bought it new and keep it in its case in the box). I probably shot a maximum of 5 rolls of film through it. I know I've spoken rather unfavourably of it's plastic flip front and sad shutter sound. However, it's a good camera and I took some good photos with it. I'd like to get rid of this one since I prefer the LCA and have no real use for it. I'd like to do a trade rather than sell it on ebay so if you've got something to trade email me.

See

Found this site today through a comment. I appreciate the writer's summation of my philosophy as "Go forth and snap pictures on any old camera...". Yes please.

In looking around on the site I found many interesting links to some things other people have to say about photography that Mr. Risk and I have discussed. This piece about camera snobbery is a great one. And oddly enough Mr. Risk's beloved Canon AE-1 (Bill) is this photographer's #1 35mm SLR.

There was also a link to this in which the writer makes a point about how people sometimes give the camera more credit for the photo than the photographer. By-the-way the pinhole of the ferris wheel is gorgeous.

This morning there was a piece on CBC Sunday Morning News (or whatever it's called) about a professional photographer who learned or rather unlearned through meditation and some spiritual dabblings to see. Apparently he had been working as a photographer for years but during that time had been paying more attention to the rules than to seeing. Now he teaches other people how to see. I've had a similar experience although in my case I am not and have never been a professional photographer and I'd say the photography is my version of meditation. I already saw, but the more I saw, the more I saw and so on and so on (yes, just like the shampoo commercial).

I often think about the balance between how much is the camera and how much is the person using the camera. Frankly I have specifically choosen cameras that have a quirk. In that sense I am placing some of my reliance on the equipment. However, at times I have had to learn how to use that camera in order to exploit that quirk. For instance with the LC-A I find I have to position the camera on a certain angle or use the light in a particular way in order to maximize it's tendency to create vignetting. I also know that in certain types of light, certain colours will be more vibrant. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people complain "I bought an LC-A but I'm not getting that Lomo look." That's because sometimes happy accidents happen but most of the time you've got to make the magic happen! The magic is inside you not the camera.

When a certain something captures my attention, I often pretty instantly have an idea of how I want to capture it and I know which camera to use based on it's certain something. At that point I've taken over. I'm taking the photo and the camera is just the means to an end.

This is all very disjointed and scattered but overall the point I'm making is fuck the camera and just take the friggin picture already.

Keri Smith also recently wrote something about "seeing" in her blog. I'm telling ya, "Feel more. See more. Think more." has got to be the slogan for 2004.

Two Doors

The other day Mr. Risk purchased "Spacing", a new magazine about Toronto's urban landscape. We caught wind of this a while back at Canzine and the premiere issue is now out. I've only had a quick read so far but it looks great. I was excited to discover a photo of one of my gardens on the inside cover (barren space I claimed and planted years ago on the side of our building) and this excellent article about travelling via the alleys!

Oh how I wish this freezing hell would go away so I can go outside again.

Horizon | Area 18

Also see "Area 17". Still trying to figure out what the areas are all about... unless that's how the aliens know where to land.

Horizon | Alley IV

If you were to visit this spot today you'd probably see a great deal of snow. Sunny, but bitterly cold. That's the trade.

All Star Cafe and Thoughts

I took some photos of this building with the Horizon on the same day I took this photo. I thought they were going to be killer, but was shocked to discover they were okay but this one was good. Sometimes you just never know.

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I'm discovering the magic of leaveless trees. At first I started obsessively photographing the roots, but now I'm looking up. In the past I have been desperate for spring to bring back the leaves, but this year I'm appreciating the bareness. Without the leaves I can see the shape and structure of the tree itself. Older trees are especially fascinating.

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I came up with a slogan for 2004 a few weeks back. I like to do that although there hasn't been a good one since 1997. It's all just in fun because I have never been able to mark January as a new year -- the result of a lifetime in Southern Ontario and so many years within the educational system in which September always felt like the start of something new and January was just an inbetween stage.

This one doesn't really rhyme although I originally thought of "more" to rhyme with "four". Feel more. See more. Think more. While it may seem that feeling and thinking can't go together, recent experience has taught me they can and do.

Another Moody Cross

My weekend consisted of one lazy day and one crazy day. Even though lazy day was phenomenally butt-numbing, I managed to knit two scarves... and watch lots of shitty movies. One movie that wasn't so shitty was incredibly gorey. I had to turn my head or shut my eyes for at least half.

Today I went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning. Public transportation is a drag but my neck is warm. I am tired.

Green Pig Wall

Bought myself some lush, wood, square frames last night. It's a bit shameful that I don't have even one of my own photos on display in my work area -- the space I spend most of my time in [oops not true. I do have one non-silver photograph up but I don't even see it where it is]. To be honest I only have two of my photos in my living space and they're kind of hidden, tucked away in corners and amongst clutter. I've always been that way; displaying other people's work well before my own. I design and sell stationery that I never use and t-shirts that I only recently started wearing. I'm realising how much I disconnect myself from the things I do with my time, even things that I enjoy and am proud of. That's not right.

I also bought a beautiful wood panoramic frame. Can't wait to get some extra time to rescan and print one, although it will be difficult choosing one.

Tagged Marsh | Funny Stuff

Some funny things:

Panoramic | Inside Eating

Two more photos today. Use the "Previous" button above

Panoramic Alley III

Panoramic Alley II

Panoramic Alley

You might recognize this alley from these Pioneer 616 photos.

I spent last night scanning another two rolls of Horizon photos. One taken in an alley and the rest from High Park and around town. Some of my experiments didn't work. Some photos were just plain BORING.

I'm a bit bummed and I think that is overshadowing the other good and interesting photos. I know, cry me a river. Back when I was coveting this camera, I had ideas for the panoramic format that were a little less traditional than you would expect. I realise now that some of those ideas can't be met 100% due to the technical limitations of the camera.

A second issue is distortion. Because of the nature of some of my subjects, I get a lot of distortion. It can't be avoided. I'm torn between how much distortion is okay, cool, and how much gets old and gimmicky after 30 pictures have it. I'm not intending it, I'm not using it for gimmick. But like I said, linear subjects, swinging lens... distortion happens.

A third issue is light. The better the light, the closer I can get to the subject (within 1 metre). I've been very tentative about getting close because of the lack of light during the winter, and the problem is that the Horizon sees things much, much further away then they are. So even when I think I might be close enough to get the effect I want, I'm never close enough.

Practise and adaptation.

I'm also going to try printing a few. They look excellent at a bigger size but I've been posting them here at a maximum of 725 wide so they fit within screen sizes. The great thing about panoramics is seeing more than the eye can see and that would be disrupted by scrolling.

Baltimore on Wellington

I don't know what it is exactly about this little row of houses but it jumps out at me everytime I pass by; forcing me to take notice. There are few streets in Toronto that have this look; front door, sidewalk, and street all meet at the same place. Most houses in metro Toronto have a small patch of earth in front (often surrounded by a low fence) at the very least. To be honest I often find these places to be more depressing because of the way people feel the need to surround that micro patch with fencing. The worst are the ones who bother to lay sod and actually mow it. The best are the ones that have been turned into front yard veggie gardens. But I digress.

Usually these concrete streets are narrow, although this is not the case above. Whenever I see this I think of Baltimore. I'm sure there are other cities with streets like this, and I've never even been to Baltimore, but everytime I see images of it on television it always looks just like this. It's Baltimore in my mind.

Horizon | Wonderful

Just got back two rolls of colour Horizon shots. Some photos worked out well and made good use of the colour film, but overall I prefer the look of the previous b&w shots. For the most part this has to do with the blah of winter. I took several landscape shots at High Park last week which acheived the same washed out effect as previous photos but were just sort of flat instead of interesting.

Note to self: Watch the tripod and shadows (Had a few images with my shadow peeking into the corner of the frame. Resist temptation to take too many "here's a bunch of trees" photos -- they don't suit me.

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Last night we made an attempt to view the Art Deco show at the R.O.M. It ends on Sunday. I expected a line but this one went out the doors, down the steps, around the corner and all the way to Bloor Street!! And to think I passed on it when the lineup had about 20 people.

2003 Into 2004

New Years. I feel like I'm supposed to say something profound now about the last year, give a little 2003 wrap-up or something. 2003 was actually a fucking good year for me. In some really big, less superficial ways it was my best year ever. It was also really difficult and messy. It would take a book to explain. And so the point form and public version....

• Started this site.
• Did something I NEVER thought I'd do in a million years: went to Florida, central Florida no less. Have actually uttered the words, "Wish I could go back to Florida." (Of course in the context of taking pictures but still...)
• Gladly and gleefully left the twenties and turned 30. Woo Hoo!
• Bought a new/used digital camera then soon after rediscovered film setting said digital camera aside almost entirely.
• Celebrated 10 year anniversary!
• Had my first offline photo exhibit. Hung photos then subsequently forgot about it.
• Discovered the magic of Ward's Island.
• Learned it was better to be honest than polite and nice.
• It's okay to hate your parents. Particularly when they're assholes.
• Saw carnivorous plants in the wild!
• Working on a book.
• After years upon years of looking like a 70's housewife and having my hair cut by Mr. Risk, I finally mustered up the courage to have my hair styled by a professional. Managed to find the most expensive AND bitchiest stylist in the city. Style Timeline (1.75 months) Looked bad (Don Johnson on the cusp of 1980). Then good. Then bad (Cindy Walsh. Office lady circa 1981). Then really good for a solid week. Now back to whatever. Have spent more time thinking about my hair in the last month then in the last 30 years combined.
• Got HOPE. Am no longer a pessimist.
• Got inside my own head.
• Made mistakes. Intermittent fuck ups.
• Grew up some.